Part 4: Evening.

Long drives, citylights and some thoughts.

Unrelated, but I’d rather practice this a thousand times and learn to ride a broom than drive in the ridiculous traffic of my city. (Image found here)

I get into my car and my first priority is to connect my phone to bluetooth and que some bangers on Spotify. 

The music is a good distraction during the long ride back home. In fact, if I didn’t love driving so much, I’d have torn all my hair out and taken an oath to walk barefoot everyday for the rest of my life. That’s how rubbish the traffic is. And I’m not exaggerating even a little bit.

As I cross each junction on my way, the sun starts to set and the sky goes from orange to pink to purple to dark blue to black. 

In the confines of my mobile comfort zone, amidst all the light and noise, my brain starts to race.

Sometimes, the thoughts are generally chill, nothing worrying or stressful. Just random.

What should I eat when I reach home? 

What shall I watch on the tv? 

I don’t like this song, skip! 

Oohh, that black jeep on the road is such a sexy beast!

Cute guy spotted! 

Sometimes, they’re slightly stressful but still not intense enough to kick my anxiety awake. 

Shit, I’m gonna get late today, will I get time to workout? 

Gotta remember to email that assignment once I reach home! 

Might’ve to extend the deadline again..

I ate chocolate today, I feel guilty, it shouldn't happen again tomorrow. 

That thing that I said in class today was so damn embarrassing, ughh.

Sometimes, they’re so bad that they not only awaken my good ol’ friend anxiety, but do so with a sharp kick on her arse. 

I have failed to keep up with my workout routine. 

Failed to continue eating healthy on many days. 

Failed to keep up with writing my newsletter. 

Failed to progress on my immediate priorities other than work. 

Failed to heal from my anxiety as much as I intended to. 

Failed to communicate with the people close to me. 

I am still not working as much as I can.

I am not working as well as I can.

What’s the point of it all if I can’t balance and juggle?

I don’t want all my days to end like this..

Will this be my life forever??

Will I ever change..?

I close my eyes for a second and heave a huge sigh. 

I’m tempted to park my car to the side, let out a blood-curdling scream and have a satisfyingly dramatic breakdown. 

Or…  should I pop an anti-anxiety pill? 

.

.

.

Nevermind. 

I choose to keep a poker face and drive on. 

Then finally, after many abrupt brakes, blaring honks and painful bumps, I am home. 

[To be continued…]

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P.S. This issue is part of a random, unofficial “A Day in My Life”-type series that I decided to write because I was out of ideas.

If you thought this was interesting, you can check out the first three parts as well:

Part 1: Morning.

Part 2: A little later the same morning.

Part 3: Afternoon (basically the whole day).

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P.P.S. Like what you read?