Here I am.Ā
āThis is me.
Thereās nowhere else on Earth Iād rather beā-Ā
(Sorry, I got distracted. Love that song though.)
So, here I am.Ā
45 minutes and 14.7 kilometres later.Ā
I park my car in my usual spot and greet the doggos.Ā
College isā¦ well, I donāt quite know how to put it.Ā
I go there, but Iām not really there.Ā
I spend 5 hours in its walls everyday, but I feel like a ghost floating amongst a crowd of living chatter.Ā
I am a part of it, but actually, I am not.Ā
I am justā¦ there.Ā Ā
It can get lonely at times.Ā
But Iām well-accustomed to being in my own company, so I donāt mind it much.Ā Ā
I find law to be an interesting field of study, and thatās reason enough to keep going.Ā
My college is very picturesque ā with loads and loads of flora, cute doggos lazing around, old buildings for aesthetics, an earthy smell and a pleasant atmosphere.Ā
Itās definitely the kind of place Iād love to spend more time at, but for some reason, I am always out of there the first chance I get.Ā
I sometimes attribute this to the fact that I donāt really have a single friend in college who I could properly hangout with in the 4.5 years that Iāve been there.Ā
Although, in saying this, I donāt want to insult those whoāve helped me, made an effort to talk to me and given me some of their time when no one else would.Ā
Quite a few people come to mind, they have been very kind.Ā
But we both know weāre not really friends, we donāt say it, but we know it. They are just being a good human. And Iām grateful for that. But still, it hurts to know weāre not really friends.
Anyway. Where was I?Ā
Ah, yes ā just reached, greeted the doggos.Ā
I walk through the small campus towards my lecture hall.Ā
I tend do a lot of people-watching in college.Ā
I see a group of friends laughing together. I see people saying āhelloā as they start walking together and swap stories of the day before. I see some couples walking together, enjoying the 3-minute walk to the halls before they have to separate to go sit in their own classes. I see a girl vibing to some tunes on her phone.Ā
I am always watching, I never feel like I am a part of the picture. Almost like an audience member at a movie theatre.Ā
I reach my class and take my usual seat. My spot.Ā
The second desk from the front in the left-most corner of the hall.Ā
Just beside it is a large wooden window with tinted glass frames ā which opens up to a thick foliage-cover, that marks the starting point of the trail that leads up to a hill, which surrounds the rear part of the entire campus.Ā
The scenery is absolutely enchanting. Even more to die for during the monsoons. You will want to leap out and disappear into the dense maze of trees.Ā
It has an oddly calming effect on me.
My favourite spot. My little corner in the big hall.Ā
Itās the only place I feel comfortable to sit at.Ā
I am constantly staring out at this view from the window. I have even been called out on that by my professors.Ā
Sometimes, it's almost like I am in a trance. But itās probably just a little escapade that my brain ventures on.
The big bell near the notice boards is struck once, signalling that the first lecture is soon to start.Ā
āHa, so dramaticā, I mumble.Ā
__
About 5 hours have gone by.Ā
I am so zoned out of my mind, I might as well be floating in space.Ā
Finally, the lectures are about to end. (They could be replaced with a blank powerpoint presentation and it wonāt make a damn bit of difference.)Ā
I canāt wait to rush out of there.Ā
The bell sounds.Ā
I pack my stuff quickly, sling my bag over my shoulders and walk towards my car.Ā
I always feel a sense of relief as I sit inside my car and connect my music to bluetooth.Ā
This is my zone. I am in control. No one to judge.Ā
I take it out of the parking spot and onto the road, as I enjoy my favourite songs.Ā
[To be continued..]
P.S. Like what you read?
As Always, your writing is really sophisticated for someone that is chaotic like me. The part where you talked about being in a theatre. I could relate a lot to this whole post. The way I am disconnected from every person in my life makes me question certain things. What is even being friends at this point? Like Does someone like me that has no attachment to anything deserves a friend? I have always wished to be someone that is out of this codependency. Someone that can just observe. I know the post is not about me lol but had to write whatever I thought after reading it!